disappointment

It took a while for me to start dating after my divorce.

I told myself I didn’t want to date.

I said that I had way too much going on and I was busy. I had my kids and my business. I was good at being independent.

The truth is that I was afraid to open myself up to disappointment.

I was afraid to admit that I wanted a connected relationship.

I was worried that I couldn’t handle losing another relationship and feel so much sadness and loss.

I decided to give it a try anyway.

How about you?

Are you willing to open up and give it a try?
What do you tell yourself is possible for your future?
What if something great is in store?

Think about it.

A new dress

My client Sarah wants to have more confidence.

She questions herself a lot.

She doesn’t trust herself very often. She’s afraid to say what she thinks sometimes. She’s afraid of doing things wrong.

Yes, she wants to feel more confident.

She believes that more confidence will make her a better mom, a better wife, and a better coach – a new skill she is learning.

But she’s not quite sure how to get there.

We decided that she should try on a new dress.

Sometimes we can try on a belief or a feeling just like we would try on a new dress. We aren’t really sure if we love the new dress yet, but we see how it feels. We wear it around the house to see if it’s comfortable. We notice how we feel in it. We discover what we like and what we don’t.

Sarah is trying on the feeling of confidence this week. She’s playing with the belief that she’s totally capable. She’s practicing thinking she can trust herself, without totally committing to thinking that way. She’s keeping the tag on, trying the dress on to test it out, and leaving all options on the table.

What belief do you want to try on?
What feeling do you want to create for the day?
What if you find one you really love?

Give it a try and let me know what you discover.

Have an amazing day – one thought at a time!

German

My son is in Germany right now on an orchestra trip.

He keeps sending me messages in German.

He’s sending me pictures of food and his smiling face.

It feels like he’s growing and going his own way and I can’t believe it.

I started to go down the road of – have I taught him everything I should?

Did I let the years slip away while I was distracted with life?

Should I have been more patient?

And then I remembered… I don’t want to go down that road in my brain.

I’ve taught him a lot of things. I’ve been present a lot of the time. I’ve loved him and had days where I was totally patient. Those are the things I’m going to focus on.

What about you? What parenting moments do you focus on? What you focus on grows. Focus on the amazing – it’s so much more fun.

Have a great day, one thought at a time!

money

Yesterday on the podcast I talked about money.

Money fears.

Money beliefs.

Self-beliefs… related to money.

I remember when I was going through my divorce and my master coach training at the same time. My own beliefs about money were revealed to me and I didn’t like what I found. In fact, I became determined to believe something different…

At the time I was terrified at what would happen in my financial life. I had met with an attorney and her news about Texas law seemed bleak. I felt afraid that I wouldn’t be able to support my kids. I worried that I would be reliving my mom’s life as a single mom who was overworked and could barely put food on the table. I grew up watching her worry and fear every single day about money.

Once a month she would sit at her desk in this little nook at the top of our narrow staircase. We lived in a tiny duplex and I would sit right next to her while she worked – just grateful that she was home with us for once. She would write a tithing check first and put it on the corner of the desk and then work on paying the rest of the bills. There was never enough to cover them and she would always say, “we’re in the hole again” which was never a surprise to us.

Fear. Worry. Watching my mom bear it all, was a lot to handle.

And here I was, wondering if I was about to be in the same predicament.

I came to my master coach training call and was getting coaching from my peers and mentor/teacher, Brooke Castillo. Brooke asked me, “Why can’t you make as much money as your husband does?”

My answer, made me sick to my stomach as soon as it came out of my mouth. “Because I’m a woman.”

Yes. I said it. And I knew I believed it.

How could I think that? I didn’t want to own that thought.

And I decided that I didn’t want to believe that was true.

I knew that plenty of other women made a lot of money, so it had to be possible. And I knew that I wanted to believe I was capable too.

I didn’t adopt this new belief overnight, but I became relentless in my pursuit of believing that I could believe this at some point. I kept pushing the limit of what I believed was possible. I knew that even though I didn’t believe entirely today, I would believe a little more than yesterday.

What do you believe about your ability to make money?

Are you happy with that belief?

If not, are you willing to decide to believe something different?

What you believe is what you will create. Believe something awesome, okay?

You’re amazing.

Have a beautiful weekend- you deserve it.

escape

Lately I’ve been wanting to escape being a mom.

Like literally thinking about fleeing the country and never looking back.

It seems like such a selfish and shameful thought. A thought I didn’t want to say out loud, but I did it anyway. And when I said it out loud I felt so much relief.

The only reason I feel this way – is because I care so much about them. And I want to do a good job. I create pressure. I don’t believe I’m measuring up. And… I want to flee the country.

Sometimes my clients feel this way too… and they feel guilty about it.

They think they shouldn’t want to escape. They think they should be a better mom.

They have a book of rules about what being a good mom and a good person looks like, and there is no room for being human or having thoughts that don’t seem “good” and “positive.”

I think the rule book is wrong.

Being an amazing mom includes having all kinds of thoughts and feelings.

Loving your kids means feeling negative emotions too.

And being the perfect mom for your kids, means being you with all of your humanness – the good, the bad and the ugly. It’s all part of the deal and it’s exactly as it should be.

Be amazing today. Have compassion when you’re feeling burned out. Trust that you’re doing better than you think. And please take an extra break for me, will you?

Have an amazing day – one thought at a time!