Single Mom and Christmas Alone

It’s Christmas morning and I just had a picture of my little girl come through on my phone.  She’s in Christmas PJs that I didn’t get for her.  Her eyes are lit up with excitement, from gifts I didn’t put under the tree.

You know what it’s like.  And you never imagined this would be your experience of Christmas.

I’m writing to you this morning because I’m thinking about you.  I’ve spent the last several weeks focusing on being intentional with my thoughts around Christmas and what I’m choosing to create with my kids.  It would have been so easy for me to stay stuck in a pity party, but if there’s one thing I’ve realized it’s that a pity party is the worst party ever.

A pity party, is a party of one.

You’re the only one there.

And anyone who drops by, wants to leave immediately.

You do terrible things at the party like obsess over everything that’s wrong.  You serve regret and hopelessness for refreshments.

The party, is not a party at all.

And I don’t recommend it.

If you’re feeling sad today – it’s totally normal – and I’m feeling some of it too.

The waves will come and go, and that’s okay.

But know this also – you don’t have take up residence in that state of sadness.

I know it’s hard when the negative emotions are so strong.

I know it’s hard to believe that they will ever go away.

I know it seems that they are defining your life, and that they’ll define your future.

But that is never true.

Here is my message to you:

The emotions will come and go, and you can handle all of them.

They don’t need to overtake you or your life.

And they don’t have to mean anything about what’s possible for you.

Today, whatever you’re feeling – allow it to be okay without making it mean that you “are” that emotion.

It’s the difference between, “I’m feeling sadness” and giving in to “I am sad.”

It’s acknowledging, “I’m feeling some hopelessness,” instead of “I have no hope.”

Or choosing, “I’m feeling some fear about my future,” rather than “I’m afraid of my future.”

It’s a small shift, but an important one.

You are going to be okay, I promise you that. 

There is so much hope and healing available.

If there’s one day in the year we know that to be true – it’s today.

Merry Christmas Mama.  You’ve got this.

Your future is amazing and so are you.

Sending so much love.

xoxo

-Molly Claire

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Divorce and Single Moms: A year later

Saying goodbye to what you’ve known for such a long time, is hard.

Moving forward into the unknown, can be terrifying.

Believing something better is just around the corner, requires a tremendous amount of faith.

 

A year ago today, I finalized my divorce after a year and a half of separation.

My 15-year marriage, ended.

I’ve never blogged about it and I don’t talk about it in my business.

But today, I think it’s time.

 

A couple of weeks ago I had a 20-year high school reunion and there were updates online from classmates about what’s transpired over the years.  There were so many single mamas navigating the unknown, trying to be the mom they really want to be, despite their circumstances.  Stepping into being breadwinner and mom extraordinaire.  Always trying to be a rock, while dealing with their own grief, sadness, and fear.

And I can relate.

I’ve seen other friends on social media who I haven’t spoken to in years, suddenly reclaiming their maiden name.  Or others who post picture after picture and it’s just her and the kids. That’s it.

And it’s all too familiar.

As it was all settling in, I realized that it was time I speak up.  That perhaps I need to reach out more, and help more women.  Because who they are and what they are doing – is too important.  Their life, their kids, and their future, is way too important, to go unnoticed.

Because if you haven’t gone through it, you don’t really know what it’s like.

My own process of healing and moving forward over the last 3 years has been nothing short of transformative.  And the fact that I’ve been able to help other women navigate this same process as their coach, has been a divine gift.

There was a time when I couldn’t imagine not feeling bitterness and resentment.  I used to feel stuck and frustrated and felt that I didn’t have control over my own life.  I worried incessantly about my kids and how they would handle all that was happening.  I also remember feeling intense fear in the pit of my stomach for weeks on end – wondering if I could really support myself financially.

Fear of judgement from family, friends, community, and church.

Fear of losing the incredible people who had been family throughout my marriage.

Fear about whether I could really make it.

Fear for my kids.

Fear poured into every crack of my life, and over every inch of my body.

Sadness, anger, grief, and regret would come in waves. With each new phase and change, it was reprogramming my brain again and processing new emotions.

And with all of it, I knew there was no getting around it.  There was only going through it.

And now, looking back… I can see how far I’ve come.

I’m so happy that today, I’m celebrating.  I made it here, and I know I can make it through whatever lies ahead.  I’m so grateful that all along the way, I didn’t ignore any of it.  I did my self-coaching, and used my own coach.  I grieved, I processed, and did the work.  I chose faith, and found immeasurable comfort in it.

While my process of becoming continues, I feel blessed that anger and resentment have no place in my life.  I love that I can feel unconditional love for my ex-husband and his new wife, and genuinely hope the best for them.  I’m grateful beyond belief that my kids are thriving and feel loved, by both of their parents.  I enjoy every moment of the confidence I feel as I build a business to support my desire to be present to raise my kids.  I’m grateful to believe in my own worth and feel stronger than I ever have.

If you’re reading this and you’re in this now, I promise you there is hope.  You are so much stronger than you realize.  You are courageous.  You are worthy of the best gifts in life.  You can do whatever challenges lie ahead.  Trust the process of life.  Trust that great things lie ahead.  Have faith that it’s possible, and it will be.

You’ve got this, mama!

XO

Molly Claire

 

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It’s My Fault

We all do things as a parent we regret sometimes.

We yell.

We are too hard on our kids.

We don’t follow through on a consequence because we don’t want to deal with it.

I could go on and on, but I’m pretty sure you’re well aware of a million things you wish you wouldn’t have done.

And sometimes, perhaps often, we end up blaming ourselves for all of our kids bad behavior and problems. It’s as if we think that if we had parented perfectly, they would be doing perfectly, and everything would be perfect.

This is one lie, mixed with another lie, to make one big fat lie that keeps us beating ourselves up.

I think it’s so important to try to be a good parent, but just as important is to forgive ourselves for being human. We are learning right alongside our kids and making mistakes was always part of the plan of life. For all of us.

What would be different if you could move on from your parenting mistakes a little more easily? What if you could offer yourself a little grace and then pick up the pieces prepared to do better?

Can you imagine how much more powerful you’ll be (and how much better you’ll feel) if you can use each mistake as a learning opportunity, rather than a reason to beat yourself up?

I think you should do it. Let’s give it a try.

Have a great day, one thought at a time!

School’s Out: Help for Mom

I used to always be so well-prepared for the first day of summer.
And knew it would be amazing.
I knew this was the year that we’d do chores like clockwork.  Everyone would read every day and keep up on their math.  Everyone would be happy and we’d have amazing outings.

Then, the first day home from school would come.  And it was a nightmare.

No one was getting along.  No one wanted to do chores.  The level of noise and energy was more than I could handle.
How could this be?  I had it all planned?

The last few years I’ve been less prepared and yet that first day has been better than ever.It’s not because everyone did their chores or got along.  And it certainly wasn’t quiet.
It was my thinking that changed the situation.

I used to believe that my plans meant things would go smoothly.  This belief caused a lot of stress for me.
I came to realize that no matter what plans I did or did not have, the change of pace was an adjustment.  A new routine and new expectations took time to get used to.
It’s always an adjustment.

This thought, “it’s an adjustment” changed everything for me.

When I knew that nothing was supposed to go smoothly, the things that went well were a pleasant surprise. When I knew that unhappiness was inevitable, it didn’t seem to be much of a problem.
And just knowing that the chaos wasn’t a permanent state but simply an adjustment – I could be at peace with the day as it was, not expecting it to be different.

And so, please borrow my thought as school lets out.  It’s an adjustment.  Things will be up and down, out of sorts and loud.  It’s all an adjustment and it’s okay.

Have a great day, one thought at a time!

-Molly Claire
Life Redesign Coach, Mompreneur

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Goodbye Mental Clutter: Tips for Mom

It’s time for *Think it Thursday*…

Today I’m getting ready to say a lot of goodbyes.

I’ll be deep cleaning my closet and junk drawers over the next two days and I’m beyond excited.
I’m going to say goodbye to things I no longer use, things I’ve outgrown, and stuff I never even needed to begin with.

The relationship between the junk in our physical space and the junk in our mental/emotional space is fascinating.  They mirror one another.  And sometimes we need a little help cleaning them out.

Yesterday I had to do some deep cleaning in my brain.  I had an interview for my upcoming book and found all of my clutter thoughts coming up like, “You did a terrible job.”  “You should be so embarrassed.”  “What will people think?”

All unnecessary clutter.  Clutter that just gets in my way and doesn’t add any value to my life.  Just like that box of old papers in my closet.

What mental clutter will you say goodbye to today?  Nagging guilt?  Unnecessary worry?  Negative self-talk?

Ask yourself what would be better without that mental clutter.
Who would you be?  What would be possible?

Declutter your brain.
Experience clarity.
Enjoy your life more fully.

***And Happy Mother’s Day!***  Treat yourself well!  Do what you want to do!  You deserve it!

Have a great day, one thought at a time!

-Molly Claire
Life Redesign Coach, Mompreneur