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It’s okay to be dishonest, just tell the truth about it; A little relationship help…

relationship help

It’s okay to be dishonest – just tell the truth about it.  This is crucial to the relationship help you are seeking.

Telling the truth can be hard, especially when we think someone might be hurt by it.  It doesn’t matter what kind of relationship help you are seeking – friends, family, neighbor – the same rules apply.

My client is re-building her life solo after 20 years of marriage.  The patterns in their relationship are set deep.  She knows it’s for the best, but she still feels a lot of guilt about leaving her marriage.  Last week her husband of 20 years asked if they could get together with mutual friends, but she didn’t want to.

She told him that it would be too awkward.

I wasn’t so sure that was true.

So I asked her, “Would it REALLY be awkward, or do you just not want to be around him?”

Of course, it was the latter.

She didn’t think she could say it to him, without him feeling hurt (or her feeling guilty).  It was too hard to say it out loud.  It was much easier to say, “It would be awkward,” than to tell the truth about it.

The closer we get to the truth, the better.  But sometimes, when we aren’t ready for that step, we can at least be honest with ourselves.  After all, the relationship you have with yourself is the best starting place for relationship help with others.

For my client, we decided it was okay for her to tell him it would be awkward, but she at least owed it her herself to notice she was doing it.  She could tell herself, “I’m not feeling brave enough to tell him the truth.”

By constantly being honest with ourselves, we stop making up excuses for why we don’t do things.  We move closer to what is real and true and bring more truth into our lives.  We can make decisions from a place of integrity, rather than hiding.

With love,

Molly